I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
