She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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