What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
