if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I want to be your penis for a week.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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