From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
