hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
