Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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