His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
