your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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