I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
