btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
