They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
