first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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