for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
