Umm I'm too high to move.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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