what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
