Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Randomize
