All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
