In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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