Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
