Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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