I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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