She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
