anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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