Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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