I accidentally had phone sex last night
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
