Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
