thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
