help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
