A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
