Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
