I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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