i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
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