i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
