What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
