D3 body, D1 cock
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
