I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
