is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
