after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
