You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
