My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
