I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
