Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
