Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
