Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
there's paper in my vomit.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
