nut hugger
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
