i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
