Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
