and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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