you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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