The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
