im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Even my vagina gasped.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
