Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
