Life is so much better after having sex.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
