theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
