Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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